http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/News/Cycling-investment-must-go-up-a-gear-MPs-say-20130424000100.htm
The Government have announced plans for a heavy amount 0f investment in Julian Huppert, in the hope he will go away and stop bothering them by 2020.
The investment will be initially in his beard and ears, but ministers refused to rule out spending public money on other parts of his anatomy, refusing to be drawn on the specific question of bushy sideburns.
Labour & Conservative challengers for Lord-High-Science-Magician Huppert’s parlimentary seat were said to be pleased with the plans:
“Labour have always said anything that criticises the Government’s economic policy in a desperate bid to appear different, and I’m happy to do that again here and now.” confirmed Daniel Zeichner, who isn’t Jewish. “Unless Julian goes away, in which case I think George Osbourne is a bang tidy chancellor and I’ll sleep with Danny Alexander at least twice.”
For the Conservatives, Nick Hillman smiled a nice, pleasant smile, the sort of smile that makes you want to hug someone and go “awwww.”.
“Austerity is a policy we must stick to, in order to get the nations Hupperts in order.” he confirmed “cutting Hupperts is the only chance I’ve got of becoming an MP anyway.”.
The Shallot Cambridge 